Transcript

MFM Mini - The Way To Be Confident

I want to talk about confidence. Uh growing up I was never super confident. I was uh You know, in a group in my group of friends. Let's say there were six of us.

You had uh Yeah, the kid who always got into trouble. Right. He was always uh, you know Mm on an adventure. And then you uh

You had the the class clown. Everybody loved that person'cause they were making everybody laugh. You had the person who was you know, ambitious and was just and they always got good grades and they were they were always sort of top of the class and Doing good in sports, that sort of thing. And uh and then you had me. I was the friend who was like Just I was just there to support all of them. I was uh I was just laughing.

I was like a laugh track of a show. I wasn't even the character. And uh I wasn't that c I wasn't very confident. Didn't talk very much. And uh it all changed for me. When um tenth gra I you know, tenth I was living in Houston, Texas, and in tenth grade

My uh family My dad got a job in China. And so all of a sudden we were moving to Beijing. And um so pack up your bags. You're moving from Texas to China.

And uh on the plane ride there, I remember my sister was talking to me and she goes, You know, how you feeling about your new school? You're you're excited, nervous, whatever. I was like, I don't know. It's kinda the same same thing, probably just another school. So it won't be too different. And she goes, um Well, it can be. I know what you mean?

And she what she was trying to say was not the difference between China and Texas, but the difference between me and China and me in Texas. She goes You know. Uh, none of these kids know you. So you have a kind of a fresh start. That's pretty cool. Like you can pretty much be whoever you want to be. You can be however you want to be. And I was like, Well what do you mean? She goes, Well think about in Houston, like the kids in your school who are who are cool, right? I had this friend Kane. I mean his name was cool.

Uh, my friend Kane uh Holderfield. He he was one of the cool kids. Everybody loved him and he was always uh having a good time. And I you know, I I used to see these other kids. I remember this kid Casey and Yeah, they were always having a a good time and one of the reasons why was they were very confident. They um They were confident in themselves.

And so they were relaxed, they don't weren't always worried about what other other people were thinking of them. And um I thought, man, that'd be great if I could be like that. And I didn't know how. I didn't know how to be confident. And uh over time I have learned The secret to confidence. I used to think okay, here's here's what I originally thought.

I used to think Confidence was uh, you know, either something you just have or you don't. You're born with it. Uh okay. That that was wrong. Um When I moved to China and when I landed, you know, after that flight, I ended up

Walking into school on the first day of school, and I carried myself like Kane. I carried myself like Casey. I carried myself like They used to do And um I didn't know how to be confident. I didn't really understand it. I sort of faked it till you make it, but Um, what I figured out.

was that Um Confidence is not something you do directly. Right. So confidence Is not just

Puffing up your chest. Um because that's bravado, right? That's uh that's false confidence. It's it's easily deflated by uh by reality. Um a confident person is not just like a fearless person. A confident person. Is confident.

As a byproduct. Of being adventurous. Let me tell you what I mean. Over time I figured out. That all I needed to do was focus on being adventurous, putting myself in new

Unfamiliar situations. And uh going for it. You know, if there was a If we were at a lake and there was a rope swing and I didn't know how to do the rope swing and I didn't know if I would land right. Then I must do it. Right, I gotta lean into that adventure. If uh if there was a group of girls at a bar I wanted to go talk to, but I didn't know what to say.

I must go talk to them. Right, I must lean into the adventure. And uh what I realized, you know, it's one adventure after another, you sort of realize Well If I keep putting myself in these p s positions

And then I come out the other side and you know, sometimes it works, sometimes it's good, and sometimes you belly flop. Doesn't work so well. Uh but either way you end up alright. Then fear goes away, anxiety goes away. Confidence sets in.

That Regardless of the situation. I'll be all right. I will good things can happen. I have evidence that good things happen from being adventurous, and therefore

Confidence. So when I did my first business, we wanted to start a sushi restaurant. We had this idea to create the Chipotle of sushi. Now the problem was I had eaten sushi for the first time like two weeks before that. That's why I had the idea. I was like, Oh my God, sushi's amazing. I haven't had this in

In my whole life. I was scared of it. Why doesn't somebody make a kind of more accessible version of this? So that was the idea. And where most people would not have the confidence to go do it because

They have no experience. I leaned into the adventure. So we're watching uh TV. Watching the Food Network, the the throwdown with Bobby Flay. And we see this

S a sushi throwdown. So we skip class and we're we're watching this uh this throw down. And we see this awesome charismatic chef from LA do the sushi throw down against Bobby Flay. He seems great, he knows his stuff. We say we gotta get in touch with that guy. How do we how do we make that happen?

Well my friend uh Google them. And we saw his restaurant in LA. And my friend goes. My friend Trevor goes.

Let's call them. Again, normally A lot of people would shy away from that. Right. That's a an unknown situation. What's gonna happen if I call him? What what what do I say? Will it work? Will it not work? Lean into the adventure. All right. So I I

Pick up the phone, I call him. Ring ring. Somebody picks up. I'm so used to getting the run around with things that I just assumed I was gonna get the run around again. I go.

I need to talk to Philip Yee. How do I make that happen? Voice on their line goes. Philip. Talk to me.

No, I didn't have much plan on what to say after that. So so I, you know, sort of stumbled and fumbled, but I was like Oh, uh Philip you know, my name's Sean and Yeah, I have this idea for for a sushi restaurant. I think it can be really great. And I just saw you on TV and I think that you're the perfect person to work with. And he's like, Who who are you? You're a kid, like

No. Not interesting. But we kept pursuing. We were very persistent and eventually uh eventually he he did come on board and became kind of like a total like a life mentor of ours, but that part of the story is not important. Really it's just picking up the phone and calling that was important.

Uh another situation I remember early on. In my career. Um We were In a a a program called Kairos. It was like a uh entrepreneurial society. Uh like a I don't know.

Basically they named the top hundred most innovative college startups. And um Which is, you know, like Forbes thirty under thirty. It kinda means nothing. It was just people picking friends. In fact, I think our school had no nominees and so we just by default, by being the only people to apply, we won.

So we uh we get flown to New York, you go to the stock exchange. And uh you get to present. We got on CNN. It was amazing. During that process we heard that there was there was a trip uh you could win. If you were in the if you're in that group, there's a trip you could win, like twenty or thirty people were gonna win this. to China. All expense paid trip to China.

And uh Uh Uh a courtesy of Alibaba. I didn't know what Alibaba was at the time. And uh We had missed the deadline to apply, so we weren't we were not gonna win and uh it was sort of over.

Well I saw somebody. Carrying the signal. For the contest. and getting into the elevator and going to the third floor.

So I said uh I said, Okay, you know. Hey, you know, taxi, follow that car, basically, right? So I let's follow her. So we go into the elevator, I go to the third floor, I try to find this one. And Find her.

And I go up to her and I say, Hey, I know I uh I know I missed the deadline to apply. But um And I just made this up. I go, I had a dream last night. that um I met a woman who ran the trip.

And uh and I got tickets to the trip. I don't know how it happened, but I just in my dream it happened. And then I saw you and you had the sign. Um Th tell me that's not a sign. And she laughed. She's like, that's a sign. Yeah, sure. She goes, You know the registration is closed. I said, Yeah, I know registration is closed. But um

You know, I would love to go, I think You know, I think I would make the trip fun for are you going? Uh if you if you're going and I'm going, the trip's gonna be fun. Um Can you do it? You you have the power to make that happen, don't you? And uh yeah, she did. She made it happen. We won an all expense paid trip to China.

Went to uh to the Alibaba headquarters, learned what the heck Alibaba was. I was just trying to get a free trip. I thought that would be a fun adventure. That ended up being extremely lucrative later because I learned about e-commerce. Through Alibaba?

uh and now have a e commerce brand because of that. Um, I also uh bought Ali Alibaba stock and that did extremely well. I only had a tiny amount of money, but it did did super well. So anyways, you can't predict what's gonna be the the result. But The lesson

I want to share is Confidence. Two. Cold call somebody. Confidence to go up to a woman and say, Hey, you know, I had a dream that I won

Make it happen for me. Um It's not confidence. It's leaning into an adventure. Over and over and over again.

And the more adventurous you become the more bulletproof you realize you are. And that The byproduct of that. He's confident.

Try it out. Today, if you see an opportunity. To be adventurous. lean in where you would otherwise Just stay on the sidelines.

Try it one time, tell me what happens, tweet it at me. And uh Trust me, this works. If you want to if you ever want to be more confident. This is the way to do it. Don't don't don't focus on confidence, focus on adventure. Right.

Yeah.