Why I Got Sober (for entrepreneurs)

All right, today is a special episode. So this is going to be a video on YouTube, but also on the podcast. So If you're listening to this, you're probably on my YouTube. Or you are on the My First Million podcast. If you're on my YouTube, then you probably don't know me, but basically my name's Sam Parr. I'm most popular because I started this company called the Hustle and I recently just sold it to HubSpot. It was a really big deal for me and my family, and it was a a pretty good exit. Um, it was a popular media company that I sold. So millions of people read us each day and know who we are and I uh

guess you can kinda say I'm a successful entrepreneur. I mean, a lot of people would say that Um, there's people that are way more successful, obviously, but that's what I'm known for. But Um, I'm also the host of a podcast that my company owned and it's one of the top ten business podcasts and we talk about cool ideas and we're we brainstorm different ideas and we have a lot of famous guests on and it's really cool podcast. It's called My First Million. We just Just brainstorming it's to simplify it, but

Today I'm talking about something kind of strange, something kind of different. So I've been sober for about seven or eight I think seven years this July. Um and I stopped drinking when I was twenty three or twenty four.

Uh I'm about thirty now. I'm thirty now, thirty one. And It's kind of weird to talk about this on a business podcast or on a business channel. But A lot of people who are focused on business or who are focused on high achievers or achieving

They have a lot of the same things that I have, which is I love to go all in on stuff. I get obsessed about things. I can get addicted to things very easily. And those attributes are also what

can be part of being an alcoholic and having uh substance addictions. Um, and I had that and I overcame it. Um, and I wanted to talk about that. And interestingly, what made me Addicted to alcohol. Is actually what has made me a pretty successful entrepreneur and fairly successful at a lot of different uh things I do in life. Um So I've got some notes here. So you might see me look at my notes every once in a while, but I've got a large Twitter following and I tweeted out to them that I was going to do this and I got hundreds of messages. So uh with people asking questions. So I'm gonna try and go through all of the questions that people answered. But I wanna do today is I want to explain to you

Um how I got addicted and what that was like, but then also how I Fixed it. And then six or seven things that I learned and how my life changed and what I noticed about being sober after uh having an alcohol problem.

Um, so let's just m start and get into it. But before I do, I do wanna say None of this is advice. So maybe I'll I'll I'll say things in a in a sort of way where it sounds like I'm giving advice, but it's really just maybe my phrasing. But I do wanna say right now, I'm not giving advice. Also I've studied this a little bit from a science perspective, but not nearly enough that I should be considered an authoritative figure on on on anything related to addiction on Uh chemical imbalance on depression, on anxiety, trauma.

I'm not an expert. Again, I might phrase some things like saying like well I felt this way because of X, Y, and Z. This is really all my opinion. That's it. So I also don't think that

you should give up drinking necessarily. I don't know who you are. I think for a lot of people, drinking can be great. It can make your life better, actually. But for people like me It made it horrible and my life is way better now. And if you're struggling with that Then this video will help you. But again. I'm not judging you. I'm not telling you I think you should do this.

And don't even think that what I'm saying is are facts other than It's how I live my life. So I just wanted to say that because uh it's important that you don't put too much emphasis on this because I know you see this guy on YouTube or you hear me in your

Earphones and for some reason you think that I have authority on this I don't. So I started drinking when I was about sixteen. I I grew up in Missouri And I think it's part of like Midwestern America. I would say it's part of a lot of America, but particularly in Midwest America, there's not too much to do and you just go to parties when you're in high school and you start drinking, but I grew up in like a kind of a working class, normal family, middle class family.

And drinking's part of the culture, you know? You're um you go to the bars on the weekends, like with your family and It's you got a soccer games and sports games and there's alcohol and As I grew up you go to parties when you're sixteen, seventeen, eighteen and you drink and it's just very normal, you know, like when we were younger, like fitness really wasn't a thing.

Um, eating healthy wasn't really a thing. So you just drink a lot. And that was just kind of normal. And I didn't really think anything of it. But As a young kid, very early on, I realized that I love to go all in on stuff. So like

If I could get my hand on a pack of cookies, I would eat the whole thing, even if it made me sick. If I uh got into running, which I did. I would run Constantly. So I eventually uh went to I got a scholarship, a a track and field scholarship to D one because I love to run. I love to work out. I love to eat. I would never leave my plate uh with food on it. I just love doing everything to the extreme. Um if I was going to um Well, you get the idea. I just like doing everything to the extreme.

And I think I drank a bit in high school because I was really uncomfortable with myself. I think a lot of people are in high school. You're uncomfortable yourself and I kinda became a little bit of a bully. I would bully people around a little bit, but I never really fit in and I was awkward and I would drink to fit in. And then I would also drink because I loved going all in on stuff. So if I tasted it, I wanted to go all in and I wanted to go beat extreme and I wanted to be a tough guy so I could drink a lot and still drive and or still keep going and have one more, it kinda became a competition. And

Whatever. You know, it was uh Relatively normal high school, but then I went to college. And when I went to college, I got into a serious relationship. And after about two years, It went south. And I

quit my sport. So I was a very uh competitive athlete. I was in wonderful shape, but I quit my sport. And I was depressed. I basically kinda like PTSD and I kinda went through trauma. Um, and I think I had some k stuff from my my childhood that I still couldn't uh figure out why I was angry about

Which we could talk about another time. Um, but I used alcohol as a drug, and so You know. At first in college it was pretty normal. I would go out

Thursday or maybe I went out at first like Friday and then Saturday and you're like hung over Saturday morning and you're hungover Sunday and on Friday and Saturday, you stay up all night partying and you eat and uh at three AM and just do all the normal college stuff, but then I would party on a Thursday and then maybe on a Tuesday. And then I

broke up with that girl and I got basically traumatized and I started to drink to cover up the pain that I felt. And it was a combination of I felt pain. From some stuff as a kid.

I felt pain because I was Uncomfortable. um with myself because I wasn't very confident because I was overcompensating. But then also I had experienced trauma and I was trying to cover that up and numb that pain and I didn't want to face it and I didn't know how to face it. I didn't even have the vocabulary. You know, growing up in the Midwest, like you don't You don't really talk about your feelings that much. And I I didn't have the The tools to handle that.

And I went to drinking. It made me numb. And I loved it to be honest. Um It felt like I was a rock star. I could party all night and I woke up all haggard, feeling horrible. But for some reason I loved it.

And I eventually quit my sport. Um I didn't drop out of school, but I didn't go. I left all my friends. I moved to an apartment by myself where I didn't know anyone in this little house in a bad neighborhood, and I would drink with my neighbors. And so my junior and senior year I was basically intoxicated. twenty four hours a day practically for like three years maybe.

And every day I would Um Get up. Have a hangover from the night before. And I don't know if it's because my body was just bad at metabolizing the sugar, but I hangovers like I would get really, really bad. And so I would roll out of bed and I would always go to sleep with like three Miller lights next to my bed and I would roll out of bed and I would drink a a couple.

About two or three, right before I even put my foot on the floor. And Um Then I would get up, take a shower, while I'm in the shower, have one, and then just throughout the day I would basically have like a case, like a th like a twenty four thirty rack. And

It wasn't good. I did that for two or three years. And I was basically drunk during school and I was pretty smart, but I'd gotten straight A's up until that point. So I could get bad grades and still do okay. And my school wasn't that hard. Um, but I got by, but basically I don't remember a lot of the second half of college I

It was not good, and I would go to the bars by myself. I didn't have friends. I completely alienated myself. I I would see my friends sometimes, but I would go to the bars by myself. I would meet people, I would Um It was crazy. I I would get in fights. I love to fight.

And I would sleep outside a lot, you know, many times I woke up. at the crack of dawn when the sun was coming up and I was like, Oh my God, I'm sitting on a Park bench, where am I? I mean I was crazy. I was out of it. I was mentally ill and I was a complete addict.

And It sucked. But I Loved it. Um

It felt like an adventure. I felt like a rock star. I previously was like pretty shredded when I was an athlete. Now I had like a beer belly and My body hurt me. I always had scrapes on my knees and on my elbows from falling. At that point I uh I actually have a fake tooth.

Um, I had already had a fake tooth when I was a kid, but at one point like my fake tooth fell out. And I looked at the It just was like a bomb. I mean it was It was not good. I would um I got arrested a couple of times. I spent collectively

Maybe a week in jail. I got arrested three different times. Um, I went to court a couple times and won and a couple of times didn't win and I got D UIs and Even after I had my D UI, I would still drink and drive. And I basically plan my whole life around drinking. I couldn't plan anything Saturday morning because I knew I was gonna be screwed up Friday. Um

I eventually started a hot dog stand. A lot of people who follow my entrepreneurial career, the joke is that I started a hot dog stand and it made a lot of money. The reason I started a hot dog stand was because I could get there at like noon, so I could wake up at eleven, roll out of bed. go outside and I could have a red solo cup in my hand and it wouldn't be considered that weird to be drinking on the job while making money, then I would go Like pass out a little bit after like the noon to like three o'clock crowd and then I would go out to the bars and put my car outside and I could still drink then and I could be around drunk people and I wouldn't have to go home till three AM and that's how I made a living. I had started a hot dog stand.

While I was in school. And I basically did it. Because I didn't have a lot of money and I wanted to start a business where I could drink. It was not good. Um

But again, I kinda loved it. Uh the things I hated was I hated waking up. And knowing I did something bad the night before based off of how hard my knees were. Like if my knees hurt me then I know, Oh, I fell all over the place and if I was falling all over the place I probably got in a fight like Was my jaw sore? Like are my fists like It was

It was crazy. I'm a I'm a nice guy now, but back then I wasn't I just had demons. And I was drinking to cover up. the pain that I felt from just stuff that happened when I was younger and That breakup and It wasn't good. And my senior year I was twenty one, I think.

Some of these ears might be a little funky, but I um was sitting just piss drunk. I was wasted. And I saw this video. Fix my mic. I saw this video um on YouTube. It was

I think Noel Gallagher. The lead singer of uh Oasis. And he was singing like don't look back in anger. And this sounds so cheesy, but He was playing this song and it was just him playing on the guitar.

And there were something like three hundred thousand people in the crowd. And I guess. I got emotional. I started crying because This guy was playing this guitar. There I don't think there was any other instruments, just him, and he was barely strumming his guitar. And

He was barely singing into the mic, and three hundred thousand people were screaming back at him and the lights were blaring and the bass sounded amazing once the drums eventually came in. And I thought, holy shit, this is one human being who is exerting a very small amount of energy, but because he is leveraging his energy effectively, it is creating The the, you know, the input is a little bit of energy. The output is this huge world changing energy. You know, if he just impacted these three hundred thousand people in the crowd, think of all the other people who that who love his music and it and it makes them feel um good about themselves. And I thought, that's amazing. I love how he's able to do that. I can do that too. I am talented enough to do that. I know I can do that. I have the it factor. I can pull that off. But I can't do it when I'm a fucking piss drunk bomb. That's what I was at the time. I was a bomb. I was basically it felt like I was homeless, practically. I had a home, but like I was a derelict. I mean I was

I was I was Like the zombies you see on the street. That's kinda how I felt. You know, I would steal from b uh the grocery store sometimes'cause I didn't have enough money all the time. My parents, by the way.

They would have supported me, but I they didn't know of what I was going through and I never in a million years would have told them. But I was a derelict. And I w thought if this guy can do this, I can do this. I have to get my shit together. And

So I try to get help. I went to my university. And I said I'm having Massive problems. I feel horrible. I feel sick. I'm blacking out. I'm passing out.

And even when I wasn't drinking, if I woke up I would like fall over. Um My hands were shaking all the time. My blood pressure. So they tested my I go Guys, I'm an alcoholic. I'm I've been drunk for like two years now.

Um I need help. And So what they did was they um Tested my blood pressure and they're like, You need to go to the hospital right now. Forget what what it what what it was. Maybe like a 180 or 190 over like 110, which is like It's bad.

Um And I went to the hospital. And they're like, Yeah, you gotta quit. You're gonna die. They um looked at What what do you when you drink? Is it your liver or your kidneys?

That has spots on it and they looked at it and they're like They're like, it's manageable now. If you quit you'll be fine. But like We're seeing a clear here that if you live this lifestyle for long, like it's it's not gonna go well. And so I quit. And I did that for a few months.

But it felt horrible. I felt so sick. And so I dropped out of school and I moved to San Francisco. And I did that because when I wasn't drinking, I cold emailed these guys called Air Bed and Breakfast and I said Um, I Love your company. And this was in two thousand and twelve. I think I love your company. I think you can improve it by doing X, Y, and Z. Can I please work for you? I called email the founder.

That company now is called Airbnb, by the way. And he uh forwarded me to someone else or I forget how it worked out, but I emailed the founder and they they go, Hey, just come to the office on Monday. You live in San Francisco, right? And I go, Yeah, I live there. I live there. And he goes, Uh all right, great. See you Monday. So I flew out there Got the interview, talked to them. Got the job like pretty quick right away, went back home.

Finally told them. I'm still a college student, but like I'm done. So I dropped out, moved uh moved all my stuff and then um basically sold. I didn't have anything and went out to San Francisco and I arrived in San Francisco. This all happened in a matter of three weeks. And prior to starting, like literally on Monday, I was supposed to start on like a Saturday or Sunday, they said

We're taking back your offer. You lied to us. You said you didn't have a misdemeanor. Or any criminal recording, you do. You got DUIs, you got fighting on your record, you got all types of stuff. And at the time I was actually on trial. for one of my cases, and so I thought I wasn't lying. And

I lied. Um I guess they thought it was lying. I thought like maybe it's not considered lying. Regardless, I was in the wrong. And they took back my offer. So here I am out in San Francisco, completely screwed. And I meet a guy and we I ended up partnering with him and starting a business. But while I'm doing this, I'm like

Fuck it. I'm too depressed. I'm I'm drinking again, so I relapse. I was only sober at that point for two or three months. Um And in San Francisco it was awesome because I was on my own I didn't have a lot of money, but I could go to the we had

I don't think we had Whole Foods where I lived in Nashville. This was back in college, but in San Francisco, I had a Whole Food by my house and I had um You don't have to drive. So I remember I was so screwed up that I was like, Well if I get a bike Then I could bike to the bars and not drive anymore. So I won't get D UIs, I won't get arrested. But maybe I'll get a bike with an engine in it. So I won't the pedal'cause it's really hard to pedal when you're drunk. Like this is like I plan my whole life around alcohol. And I would go to the whole foods and I would eat a slice of pizza while I'm

shopping around and I would just leave the cart and bounce. And that was like how I would feed myself. Or I would like steal well not steal, but like on the bus without paying and I would play these games at bars that would like trick girls into buy me a drink. I'd be like, Hey, I bet you I can make you answer yes to any question I ask you, and I would like have this little trick. It was messed up. Um and I was again horrible. I was

Drunk again. I was drunk all the time. And eventually I just I I had enough. I was like, I'm gonna die. This is horrible. I feel horrible. Um I met this guy named Joe Garvey I haven't talked to Joe Garvey in in a few years. Hopefully he sees this, but He was like tall and good looking and I was just

piss drunk and he let me do some part w part time work for him h running these like scavenger hunts for like corporate companies. Well it's Fucking horrible because like I was when I say scavenger, it's like off it was like corporate training. And uh

Like you basically or not corporate training, but like Team building event. So like some company like Salesforce or something will send like fifty people and we have them do the scavenger hunt throughout the city and it ends at a bar and I would just get wasted with them. And so again, this is like a hot dog business. I can be drunk while doing it and still functioning. But I met Joe and I was like, Joe, here have a drink after like three months of meeting he goes, Oh no, I don't drink and I was like Mm.

Because yeah, I I I gave it up. I had a problem, I went to I go to AA and I gave it up. And that was the first time in my life that I'd met someone who was like good looking and cool and who I admired and was hit and would still go out to bars And he didn't drink.

And I thought That's amazing. You and and also you just admitted to me that you go to AA. How bold of you, you know, like you have a problem. I thought only like AA and alcoholics, like people who talk about that, that was on movies. That was like, you know, for like you know, rock stars who uh like get in car crashes or who OD, you know, like Amy Winehouse. That's what rehabs for or AA is for like

Not guys like you and me. I mean, of course that's exactly what it's for, but He was cool, he was the life of the party, girls liked him, he was sober, and he inspired me so much. And so one day I go, Fuck, I gotta get my shit together. So I And it was hard because like I was fat. But I was making a little bit of money,'cause I was just talented at that.

Um But like my body hurt me all the time. I was bloated. But I got girls. Like girls liked me. I mean lame girls, but Like you know, a girl who would be around a Stupid.

Basically frat bro type of dude. But I felt like a rock star, but I woke up every morning and I regretted what I did the night before and I was ashamed of myself and I felt like I'm gonna die soon and I'm gonna die for nothing. I'm basically when you walk through home uh San Francisco and you see these guys on the street.

I was like I'm closer to them than I am W the so i for those who are listening, I'm pointing to the my wall of inspiration. I've got these like really interest interesting inspiring people on my wall. I felt closer to a homeless guy in the street than I did one of these guys on my inspiration wall. And so eventually I didn't have any uh much money. Um And so I Googled like

San Francisco mental health clinic or something. And I went in off the street. I I got an appointment and And like I was doing well enough that I had an iPhone and I had like airpod or not airpods, but like iPhone headphones, and I walked into this place And I was fucked up when I walked in. And These people I was the youngest one there probably

I mean look at me. If you look at me, I look like a kind of a well to do white dude. With like white teeth and like uh combed hair. I stuck out like a a sore thumb, but I was the same as these people. We were both we were all zombies, but I had like air po or uh iPhone headphones in and I was like, I am so out of place. Like this is wild that like I look at I I look how I look, but I'm like with these like crazy people

And they serve quarter coffee for a a a a quarter and like They're talking to themselves and I'm like, I'm in the same category as this. I'm fucked up. That's wild. I can't believe I let this happen. And so I meet this woman named Jocelyn, Doctor Porques, who I still go to to this day, and I said, I'm a drunk. I need to get sober. So she gave me some antidepressants and she helped me um wean off and I I didn't wean off. I basically locked myself in a room and she kinda I would just mm let her know what was going on. And it worked.

It worked really well. For some reason, I don't know why. This particular time it pulled I pulled it off and I just it was basically I was like If I do this. I survive. If I don't do this I'm I may not die today, but I might as well be dead. I'm just a zombie who can't function. And it worked.

I went to so basically I just went to A mental health clinic on Harrison and Third. In San Francisco. And Jocelyn, who I you know, I said I still see it, it worked out well. And Uh

Now, it was like eight years later. So like it it's like a lot of people listening are like oh man I I was a drunk for twenty years. So like and I got sober. So I look I wasn't I guess it doesn't matter. Like we're not like so it doesn't need to be a piston contest, but like yeah, I was basically Fucked up for three years.

Pretty bad. And I got out. So it's like no big deal. Right, three years. I was able to get by. But Um

You know, there's a period of time that Alcohol controlled my life. It it absolut I did everything was revolving around it. And Um I got sober and like the first

Two weeks was so hard. I just had to lock myself in the room. And I don't I I think there's something like maybe there's some reason why like Certain um races or ethnicities struggle with alcohol, but I think there's something in there that Um Like there's definitely like there's two parts of this. So there's like the the trauma and the d you're depressed and you're

You saw something crazy when you were younger, something that like makes you want to like abuse substances. But then on the other side, at least with alcohol, I always felt like there was like a thing where like my body didn't metabolize it in a wonderful way. So I was addicted very easily. And it would make me sick. It would make me really sick. And if I didn't continue drinking, I I I would I would felt horrible. And I felt like that for weeks. And Eventually. I got addicted to like sugar and carbs. Like

the right when I got off I would just eat horribly. And I told my doctor and she goes, You know what, just Just do it, man. Like if it makes you feel better, who cares if you're If you're eating sugar and we'll handle that later, you know, just use this as a coping mech mechanism. So I did. So I got a little chubby I got even chubby, and I would eat cakes and Ms and that's all I would eat. It's just like M. I remember peanut Ms like all day, every day. That's all I would eat. Pizza and And I think that like because when I quit alcohol, I was craving the the sugar. you know, when you drink alcohol, you're consuming a lot of sugar and I was craving that like crazy.

But I did it. And so now I definitely am still addicted to that. Um I am able to Um, kinda stay away and I drink a lot of stuff like this. This is called uh Zevia. It's like um A calorie free whole foods.

soda. I drink a ton of carbonated beverages though. I drink tons of carbonated water, tons of diet coke. I don't do diet coke anymore. I'm trying to do like um Xevia or Topo Chico or but I love Um, like usually the way that habits work typically is you don't really get rid of a habit without in replacing it with another habit. And that's what I did. I replaced it with candy. And now I'm replacing the candy with uh Topo Chico with

Uh I drink a ton of non alcoholic beer. Lots of it. But Uh So that's where I am now. And so what I've learned It's a bunch of stuff. So if you're struggling, I'm gonna talk to you like

about what I learned and maybe this will make your life a little bit easier. But so like When I got off Ooze Like it took like Six weeks, maybe longer, three months.

But I put it's like I it's like I had bad eyesight for a long time and I finally put glasses on because when I was on alcohol Like imagine telling a deaf person what Um what like a certain sound sign's like, or a blind person what like a mountain looks like and the beauty of seeing a mountain. It's really hard. And when I was on alcohol, when people were like, just don't do it. Just go to this party and don't drink. And I'm like, I don't

That doesn't even I can't even fathom that thought. And What So like

the the game the inner game that I have now and how I feel now, I couldn't even imagine Like it wasn't even my vocabulary. I didn't even know it was possible before I got sober. But um So here's a few things that I learned. The first is that getting sober Again, this is all about me. Don't criticize me in the comments about well, it's not actually true. I don't care. That's your experience. I'm gonna talk about my experience. So the first thing is it's

This was the choice that I made and it is all about inner game. And I quit drinking in my early twenties when I was single. I'm ha very, very, very happily married right now, which I'll talk about in a little bit. But w uh just like anyone who's in their twenties, male or female probably What do you care about most? Hooking up.

I cared about meeting people and going on dates. That was my thing. And the idea of like meeting a girl sober, like What? Not a chance. What are you cra that doesn't that's not how it works. You gotta get loaded and then go do your thing. And well Um

So like my life was around girls and um What I realized though The first big thing is Giving up alcohol, it was all about changing my inner game. And what's cool

particularly for men. I can't speak for women, but for for men The more that men work on themselves and make themselves better. the more interesting they become to other people and the more other people

Like them or are attracted to them. And so it was great. I'm like Wow, I can be incredibly selfish about myself, meaning Um I can work on myself. And that will actually if I work on myself and focus on me.

And quit boozing and get fit. And find interesting hobbies that attract more people to me, both men and women, friends and and girls. Um And uh

Inner game. Basically meant I'm not gonna I'm gonna care less about other people's opinion. And yet it made people like me more. So I do it I did it all for me. And in return, it kinda actually helped all my External wants. Um

The second thing is that it was actually really important to me to talk about it incredibly Uh openly. So I would say I'm a little nervous doing this because I'm talking to like you know, we have like hundreds and thousands of and sometimes millions of people listening to our podcast. So I'm kinda telling the story about

being a fool and I'm probably gonna post kinda shirtless pics of myself looking like an idiot. Um and my family's gonna hear this, so like I'm a little embarrassed about that, but on a one on one conversation I'm not ashamed of this at all. I'm upset that I behaved how I used to behave.

And when I meet people from my past life, I'm like I'll apologize. I'll be like, Hey, I was a wreck then I I just wanted to say I'm sorry. But I'm not embarrassed to discuss this. Not even a little bit. And the reason why is I used to think that well if I tell people this, they're gonna think I'm a freak. Then I was like Yeah.

Maybe they will think I'm a freak, but you know what? Freaks are kinda cool. And Also When I tell people I don't drink I used to make one of them like hobbies, like oh I just

I gotta work out tomorrow or I have a early morning then and no, I actually say, Oh no, I don't I don't drink. And some and then if they say why not, I'll say, Oh, I'm just I'm an alcoholic And It does two things. One, it's they they won't pressure me ever again. They're not gonna pressure me at all. And if they do, fuck'em. I don't er those guys are dead to me. They're out of my life.

I don't it's like a good um It's like a good way to get losers out of your life. But two Um, it shows them I'm really comfortable about disc uh discussing this. And one of the big fears of giving up drinking is you don't want the people around you to be uncomfortable. Which I'm gonna talk about in a minute about how I drink non alcoholic beer or I'll drink a sprite with a lime at a bar to make people feel I want people around me to feel comfortable, people I care about. I don't want them to think that they can't drink around me or that they that they'll feel uncomfortable. And so I love openly discussing this if they ask me because it makes them feel, oh, I'm really this is like a thing we can discuss. This is just a fact. Like this is a part of me, just like I like to exercise.

Um I work in business, I have a podcast, I don't drink, like it's just a fact. And I can bring that up. Um Third.

Booze makes your body fucked up. It is crazy. I mean You know what's kinda funny is like We accept in this order. In society. Alcohol, cigarettes, weed.

Um In reality, that should be swapped, I think. We should accept weed first, then cigarettes or nicotine, and then Alcohol. Uh Alcohol, man, that thing that messes with my body. It I felt horribly bloated. My joint, I was only 23. I felt like I was 40.

Uh you know, I would make that noise when I sat down. Uh Or like when you're trying to stand up. I felt horrible. I was so bloated if you look at old pictures of me, which were gonna show up on this video. I look like if you pop me with a needle, I would explode. Um It was just horrible. It made my it gives you brain fog. You can't feel stuff, like certain emotions. It just was horrible on my body.

Um It turns I was a talking monkey, you know. it's just gross. And and I actually don't think all vices are bad. You know, I think that humans were built to

Excape. every once in a while, like smoking weed, I which I don't I don't do any drugs. I don't do anything. But like I wish I did, but like I think smoking weed is probably good for you sometimes. I think drinking for a lot of people can actually be great for them. It could bring them with the friends and and it's good to escape sometimes. But i uh drinking too much alcohol It's just the worst. And you get used to it when you do it a lot. So like you get used to it not in that it feels better, but you wake up in the morning thinking, Well, this is just how I feel. And I feel that way ever like if I drink a ton of non alcoholic beer, or if I drink or if I eat a ton of cake or a ton of pizza and I wake up the next morning, I have like a sugar hangover, I'm like Dude, I can't believe I used to feel like that every day for years. It's crazy. So it's bad for your body. Um another thing is that

Like I said, when I did this as a younger guy, I was single, and the number one care thing I cared about was girls. And my biggest fear was that people Um I wouldn't be able to get girls. Like they would think I'm weird. It's a crutch that allows me to be confident to talking to women. Um

And I and up until getting sober, I don't think I'd ever like gone on a date with a girl sober or like had a first kiss sober. I I I don't think I've ever done any of that. Um But the First time I did it. Basically I got

Sober I don't remember this exact timeline, but around like week four, five, or six, I was like, I wanna go meet someone because It was like again, like I put glasses on and I was feeling reality. And I was like, this is so weird what it feels like.

And I was like, I wonder what it feels like to like have a first date. Let's try it. And I did. And then I like kissed this girl. I don't remember if it's the first date or second gate, whatever. And I was like, Oh my God, I'm on top of the world. I overcame this. I completely did it.

And that felt amazing. And also when I admitted that I was sober and because I had a problem, not only did people not Like the me I think some people did push me away, but I didn't know it because they didn't want to be around me because I was sober and they liked to party. But the people who I went out with, Like some guy friends who I went out with and on d and dating, when I told them my issues, they were attracted to me way more. I don't like I'm not here to talk about if it's some like oh like girls like guys who are like broken and they want to fix them, like, you know, there's that joke. I don't know what the truth is, but I know that when I confidently said

Um, I don't drink because I have issues But you're welcome in a drink and I and and I'm still gonna have a ton of fun tonight. Um Women love that. I think it was a confidence thing. I don't know what it was, but people, even strangers, were drawn to me way more. Another thing was that having like I've said all the positive stuff, but I will say having fun when sober, I think can be a lot harder. So like the nighttime fun that a lot of you guys have.

I don't really have that. And It's Yeah, it's more boring. I I think it's more boring, but I'm happier because of it. Um

And sober life maybe is less fun than drunk life, probably. Um like I wish uh my wife I've never drank with her'cause I met her one year after I got sober. It would be fun to go out and just get sloppy drunk and do silly stuff and then come home. I mean that'd be awesome. Like it would bring us together. The best part is though I don't fight.

Imagine having like fist fight, but also like with your spouse or with your girlfriend or your friends, like where you say something stupid. I don't I mean, I still say a lot of stuff stupid, but it doesn't come from a a drunk place. That's awesome. But um Having fun is harder. It it it is awesome when you can figure it out and when I can go out and have fun and be sober and remember it all But it's definitely harder. What I typically do when I go out to bars is or if I go out to somewhere that involves drinking and I wanna make my friends feel comfortable.

Or even if I just want to have fun. I'll if you go to the bar and this is for anyone we can talk about this'cause a lot of people don't realize this. If you go to the bar and you say you want to it let's say you're with friends, hey you got any gonna NA beer, that means non alcoholic and all bartenders A lot of bartenders will know that you're trying to low key not drink and you say, Give me an N A You only N A? And that means non alcoholic. Usually every bar has at least one style. And you can't say like oh I want this brand or that brand because they usually only have one. So you just get give me an NA. And

I always make'em bring'em to me in a bottle. I wanna see them open it and then I'll I'll let them pour it in a glass. And that way I'll have a what looks like a beer so my friends can feel comfortable. Or if they don't have an NA, I'll do a sprite with a lime. Um And Um

when I'm in a bar or bar setting and I smell the beer and my friends are getting drunk and I'm drinking non alcoholic beer, honestly, it kind of feels like I'm a little buzzed. So I can have a similar amount of fun, but it's definitely not the same. So I don't wanna like You know. Sugarcoat that. Um

I will say that Intense realism. It's something that I describe being sober, so like You got this cloud when you're drinking and I can i uh and you drink to um I remember I had a friend die and I and I would drink.

um at the funeral. So I didn't really feel that sadness that I was supposed to feel. um at weddings. I don't feel like the happiness or you know, the Whatever you feel at weddings or Um, meeting someone that you wanted to go out on a date with and you had a crush. Like are you really just drunk and horny or do you actually like'em?

um breaking up with someone and feeling like that pain. I broke up with a lot of people drunk and I don't know. Yeah, I mean it was it was I was kind of a pussy to be honest. I would do these challenging things drunk. And I wasn't facing it like a man and I just didn't get to experience that. So basically like I didn't develop a lot of skills that I think a grown man needs to have and I had to develop those a little bit later in life. Basically like from age like tw I consider my age is of like twenty to twenty four, like

They just didn't exist and even though I'm like thirty one now, I'm actually like a You know. twenty seven year old or something, but um I didn't experience those things. And once I uh got sober and I got confident in my decision to be sober, I actually sought out those challenging conversations and it made me feel alive. It made me feel like this is what I've been missing. This is awesome. Um, and I felt like it was also a game. I'm like Oh, normally I'd be afraid to do this. No, I'm gonna do it right away. I'm gonna do it I'm gonna I'm gonna approach it straight on.

And I'm gonna do it just to prove that I can and I wanna feel alive. And it feels like a a big rush to me now when I do some of these things, and I like it in a weird way. The last couple of things is um I control my emotions far better than before. Strong people do dumb stuff.

You get in fights that you don't really wanna be getting in. You say shit you don't mean. I still act impulsive sometimes and I still say a lot of stuff I don't really mean. But it's way less. And last. I save so much money.

It's crazy. And I spent a lot of it now probably on on Food and Experiences but like Think about this, like in a big city. You'll spend four hundred bucks on a weekend, you know, hundred dollars Friday, Saturday, Sunday. I mean, that's uh maybe like fifty bucks at a bar, sixty bucks

uh at a bar, thirty dollars eating food afterwards, like you spent a lot of money. And then like me, if you're crazy, you're drinking Thirty dollars a day anyway. That's something like twenty six thousand dollars a year over seven years. I think it it's been seven or eight for me, but that's like Two hundred two hundred thousand dollars. I mean that's a lot of money. So

That's my story with alcohol. Um I wanna answer a couple of questions'cause people were asking me some questions. Um And if you Go to the YouTube page, just Google Sandpar Alcohol. You'll see this page if you're listening on the podcast and I'll answer some questions.

Uh I tweeted out that I was gonna do this. Uh my handle's the sampar. So I'll read out some of the things that people ask. The first is how do you handle social gatherings when everyone's drinking? What benefits have you seen outside of the health side? So when I go to bar, I ask for an N A.

Um That means non alcoholic beer and bartenders typically know that means you're Sober. Or I'll do a sprite and line. Um so with health, I'm way less bloated, my joints don't hurt.

Um Now I don't drink. I also take testosterone replacement therapy, which is a whole nother podcast and video which I like. But I feel like a professional athlete. I don't really get tired right now. Um I feel great. I I sleep good. I sleep eight hours a night.

I don't really ha I I feel awesome. I mean, I I just I feel alive. I feel like a pro athlete. How can you be supportive of folks who know you're trying to stop? Especially Wait. How to how to be supportive of folks who you know okay.

Got it. So if you know someone who's trying to stop, how do you be supportive? Well My perspective is At first I didn't really want people to bring it up too much. Now I'm okay if people tease me and that kind of normalizes it. So I like being teased a little bit. Um But I also like when people confront me head on and act normal. So like for example, um, hey, we're gonna go get beers. Um

If that's or if you're all comfortable with that, come on. If you're not, why don't we catch up with you afterwards? Like just like saying things like that, I'm cool with. Um I also don't like though if someone Like Does it

like changes their behavior to accommodate me. I d I fucking hate that. I can't stand that. Um that makes me feel guilty. So if someone says like oh we're not gonna drink because of you, I'm like No, get drunk. In fact, I encourage my wife and friends to get drunk sometimes because I'm like

Guys go wild. Let's have fun. Like uh'cause I wanna live through them a little bit. So if my opinion, um Is Be normal. and confront everything normally and just you can acknowledge things.

Um, when my friends like ever want to do drugs If they're like uh a party and they want to do drugs, I leave. They say, Hey, we're gonna Get wild. Just so you know, and they know I'm gonna go home.

I don't like being around that. But I don't I'm cool if they like to do it. Are there occasions where you miss it? Someone asked.

One hundred percent. Yeah. I miss bonding with my co workers and friends. I definitely miss it. I don't miss it enough to do it. And I don't miss it enough that I regret it.

But I miss it getting in trouble a little bit. I miss feeling like a rock star. It is kind of fun uh to like go party and be crazy at a bar and have people over and have a fun rager and Wake up and not know what happens. I mean I found that to be adventurous and exciting and fun. I don't miss it enough that I wanna do it. But I do miss it on occasion.

What all uh what coping mechanisms for certain stress do you do you use? Um Food. So when I have a bad day I I I allow myself to pick out and eat a whole pizza. Some will say, Don't do that. You're creating bad habits.

I don't care. I overcame one bad habit. Um that was life or death. I exercise now. Gas six pack.

I'm gonna pick out sometimes when I feel horrible. Because I can go and run or lift weights or row or something to burn those calories. And I'd rather be fat and alive than dead and uh Mm. You know.

You get the idea. So I I do a lot of food. Um Procoping mechanism, instead of getting mad, though, I typically like to look at as a game, like what's the desired outcome that I want from this conversation? Cause a lot of my like stress comes from like other people. Um What can I try to like?

game, the system to get what I want. You know, how can I what emotions is this person trying to tell me? What are their needs? How can I meet their needs so I can eventually get what I want? I look at it like a game and it can be kind of fun for me. How can we overcome uh Oh, someone asked basically like I wanna look cool and I'm afraid if I don't drink I won't look cool. Um, I answered that before. You know what's cool is like confidence. Confidence is cool. Men and women like Confident men.

Um And it's also if you really want to milk this, which I think you should. If it makes you feel better. Tell people you're you're messed up and you have substance abuse problems. Brag about the stories. Not brag, but tell the war stories. Tell the demons that you've overcame. Captivate them, get their attention. Use it to your advantage. I don't see why not.

How do you Switch off unwind. Can it be boring? Yeah. Definitely can be boring.

Instead, um I love to like get huge muscles and then I love to do like cutting. I'm in like a cutting phase now. But then I love so I love exercising. So I like challenges. So I do like an Iron Man and that'll be my challenge. I'll do like a bulking phase where I'll try to get really muscular, at least for me, and then I'll cut it. Um, and I think that stuff's cool. So that's uh that's like what I do, so I'm not bored. And I work a lot. Um

And I also have fun with my friends. I encourage them to drink sometimes, but I really don't go to bars. I I pretty much don't ever go out at night except for like movies and out to eat. Would you recommend someone going cold turkey? If they drink in moderation. Yeah, I guess. That's a uh that's an impossible question for me to answer, though. Um Last couple of questions.

How do you frame it? For folks who ask. why you don't drink and how do you frame it to yourself. So when people ask me why I don't drink, my answer is uh just doesn't mix well with me. They ask again, I say, Well I'm an alcoholic. Uh, and I smile.

So they know that like It's true. But they if they wanna keep talking about it. I will. And

We can be comfortable about it. And sometimes they'll say, Oh I'm sorry, I'm like No, you didn't do anything wrong. It's cool. You want to talk about it? I just I have issues, so I just choose not to do it. Um And that bluntness I think makes everyone comfortable, to be honest.

Um Someone asked if I have ta felt like getting drunk in recent years. No, like something weird happened. You know how like when you eat too much food, like eat too much cauliflower as a kid and like you wanna puke if you smell that and you just like can't stand cauliflower. That's kinda how I feel about alcohol. Uh I don't crave it. But if I but I do crave the sugars and I eat tons of cake and tons of candy. What if um What advice would you give to your younger self to overcome the drinking?

Girls will think you're cooler because you're sober. And you'll be bolder. Not weaker. If you're sober. And last questions, where are the benefits of not drinking over having an occasional drink or two?

I don't have self control. One or two is not an option. It's either all or nothing. So That's the episode.

Thank you for following along. Um You can subscribe to our podcast My First Million Click that subscribe button maybe you'll see another we'll do another one like this if you want. My Twitter handles the Sam Par Just comment.

Um Like send me a tweet or something. And ask me a question. Or if you want to let me know if this episode was good or bad. I don't care. If it's bad, tell me.

But uh I appreciate you listening. Hopefully this helped in some capacity. Um but if you're listening And you are struggling with this been there. Done that. A lot peop a lot of people who've had it way worse than me have definitely overcome it. You absolutely can too.

Good luck. See you.

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